I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
