So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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