Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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