You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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