I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
