just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
even my farts smell like vagina
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
