Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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