Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
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