I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
