I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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