handjob tips. give me some.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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