I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
