It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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