I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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