i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
