Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
