I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
