If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize