How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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