he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
