Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
