If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
