hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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