How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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