i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
