Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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