I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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