Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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