i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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