chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
