the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
