Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
