fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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