Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
