I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You don't make any sense
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