wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
