One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
