I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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