are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
