enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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