you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
