At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
