I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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