i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
