If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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