I hope mine doesn't look like that
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
