I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
