I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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