My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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