Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
