6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My nipple is on Facebook.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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