ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Ladies don't puke and tell
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
