remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
