I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
