how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
