Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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