this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Mom said you looked used
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize