its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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