I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize