I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize