my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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