you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
