I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
