Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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