it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
