i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
