I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
