i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
