wakey wakey hands off snakey
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
