I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
