Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She even gives head with a lisp.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
