It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
