What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
