He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
