I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
jump out the window naked night went bad
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
