I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
