Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
