its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
