Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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