Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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