You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
