You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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