I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
