so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
